As a professional with 30 years of business experience and 10 years of teaching in higher education, I really value soft skills. However, I have always marveled at the lack of emphasis we place on soft skills in both professional settings and communications. Or maybe I should say, “meaningful” communications.
Granted, this observation might be limited to my own experiences, but many colleagues and acquaintances have experienced this as well. It often seems that simple accolades like “good job,” “you are valued,” or “you mean a lot to the success of this business” are few and far between.
Sure, I have received many promotions, raises, bonuses, awards, and nominations over the years, but I can probably count on one hand the instances when someone actually said meaningful words to me about my work, impact, and results. And the times that I did receive meaningful direct communication were typically much more gratifying than a raise or promotion. In many environments, money-related incentives are obligatory, if not transparently self-serving to motivate and improve performance. Money is a wonderful thing, but a “pat on the back” and “good job” are grossly undervalued. How many people never receive such encouragement and how few of us give it even if it is “implied” through various actions rather than explicitly articulated?
The True Power of Words
Recently, I received a handwritten note (yes, handwritten!) from a student who was graduating from Webster University where I teach in the School of Communications. I had a great relationship with this student and watched her grow from a pretty confident freshman to rock star senior. She came by my office during the last week of school to say goodbye and give me a thank you note, which I was thrilled to receive yet nervous to read. I really respected this student on many levels and wondered would the note be as “good” as I hoped it might be? Or would it be an obligatory kind of thing? So, what did the note say? Let’s just put it this way: Game-changer. Life-changing. I’ve read it like 331 times over a week’s time. So, what’s the big deal about the note? Let me explain.
How often do we as professionals, teachers, students, family members, etc. go through each day doing our best in terms of doing a good job, being a good person, and hopefully, being kind to others? And how often are we recognized for our “sustained” efforts day in and day out through the beige, dull and ordinary moments versus the extraordinary superstar moments? It is easy to celebrate and reward specific accomplishments, milestones, and goals. But, what about the daily grind that ebbs and flows into months and years? Personally, I believe this is where the real triumph and beauty exist because much of “real life” is about consistency, perseverance, and discipline as well as passion, empathy, and love.
The note detailed the impression I made on her going back three-and-a-half years to our first class together through several other classes, along with being her academic advisor and mentor. She mentioned that inspiring her in that first course led to her decision to pursue a specific major – one in which she found great passion, culminating in an amazing academic performance, but also a great job waiting for her after graduation.
As I respected this student so much, the note was that much more meaningful to me. The fact that she took the time to share it with me, had the courage to do so and demonstrated such appreciation, gratitude, and grace was simply inspirational to me. All I could feel was gratitude; for being able to share something with this student and for being acknowledged by someone I respected that I did a “good job.” This seemingly innocuous single event was far and away the most gratifying and rewarding moment I have experienced in my professional career. Hands down.
No extra pay. No bonus. No award. No ceremony. Just the most sincere and honest “thank you” for helping her and doing a “good job.”
Human Beings Require Soft Skills
Am I being dramatic about a note that contained some “feelings” and a “thank you”? Am I one of those overly sentimental “softies” who cries during rom-coms and commercials with cute animals? I think not. However, I am a human being who respects, admires and loves other human beings, and someone who enjoys occasional appreciation. We are not automatons, robots or a warm body simply filling a role. The real value all of us bring to any job or situation is the human element. Soft skills exemplify those human elements.
As human beings – professionals, friends, family members, etc., if we do not take the time or initiative to exemplify our humanity through “soft skills” like communication, we are losing significant opportunities to build cultures, brands, companies, and careers through trust, respect, and teamwork. Showing one’s feelings takes guts as it means displaying vulnerability, which is not usually at the top of the desired “business skills” list.
Yes, I am sure some of you are thinking right now, “What the hell is this guy talking about? Damn sissy. We’re talking about business for crying out loud.” Exactly.
The Power of Encouragement is Contagious
Heartfelt communication doesn’t necessarily mean mushy or gushing; it simply means something real, genuine and sincere. Who couldn’t use more of that?
Is it a weakness to say or show how you feel? Is an employee going to work less or try less because he or she knows that you really appreciate them? No. The opposite will happen. They will feel appreciated, bolstered and motivated. As a matter of fact, a recent Forbes article suggested that 66% of employees would quit their jobs if they felt under-appreciated. Feeling like one is being taken for granted, under-appreciated or under-acknowledged sucks. Plus, it’s just common business sense: employee turnover is very costly to an organization on many levels…it’s a lot cheaper to make someone feel good occasionally.
Sticky Point: Why Soft Skills Matter
How many of us do appreciate people around us, but we simply never let them know?
I shared my gratitude for the note with my former student, but I suspect she will not fully understand its importance to me until she is older and more experienced. She probably thought I was nuts for being so grateful, but I know what I have seen, felt and experienced at the tender age of 52. I hope she will continually appreciate the note I gave her as much as I appreciate the note she gave me. And perhaps, through our communication, she will be encouraged to write more notes throughout her career to others who do a “good job.”
Please feel free to submit your comments below or share with others.
Terry Sullivan owns Strategic Glue and is an Adjunct Professor at Webster University in St. Louis, Missouri. Contact Terry at terry@strategicglue.com
We need to use soft skills with all of our customers…check out this blog post on Customer Strategy!